Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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