Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
