I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
