he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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