one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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