Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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