Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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