the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
