OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
