I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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