First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
