Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
