Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
