He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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