Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
