I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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