i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
