And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
