CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
