I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize