Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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