you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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