She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
