Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
