She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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