dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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