tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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