smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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