I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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