I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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