Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
