Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
