you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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