she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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