I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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