he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
