Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
