Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
