speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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