i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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