does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
