I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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