My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
