I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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