thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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