3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
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I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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