If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
