she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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