i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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