my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
