So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
