I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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