I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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