im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
