Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
