I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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