There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
