I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
