i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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