Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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