There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
