I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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