did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
