We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
