I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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