he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize