you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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