According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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