my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
