Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
