Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
