How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
should my penis look like a turkey
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
