had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
